diff --git a/src/plugins/deterministicUserPanning/index.ts b/src/plugins/deterministicUserPanning/index.ts
new file mode 100644
index 0000000000..b26d2bbdb7
--- /dev/null
+++ b/src/plugins/deterministicUserPanning/index.ts
@@ -0,0 +1,117 @@
+/*
+ * Vencord, a Discord client mod
+ * Copyright (c) 2026 Vendicated and contributors
+ * SPDX-License-Identifier: GPL-3.0-or-later
+ */
+
+import { showNotification } from "@api/Notifications";
+import { Devs } from "@utils/constants";
+import definePlugin from "@utils/types";
+import { findByPropsLazy } from "@webpack";
+import { MediaEngineStore,SelectedChannelStore, UserStore, VoiceStateStore } from "@webpack/common";
+
+// lot of code here is common with vcNarrator; the VoiceStateChangeEvent parsing is nearly identical
+
+interface VoiceStateChangeEvent {
+    userId: string;
+    channelId?: string;
+    oldChannelId?: string;
+    deaf: boolean;
+    mute: boolean;
+    selfDeaf: boolean;
+    selfMute: boolean;
+    sessionId: string;
+}
+
+interface Pan {
+    left?: number;
+    right?: number;
+}
+
+function getTypeAndChannelId({ channelId, oldChannelId }: VoiceStateChangeEvent) {
+    if (channelId !== oldChannelId) {
+        if (channelId) return [oldChannelId ? "move" : "join", channelId];
+        if (oldChannelId) return ["leave", oldChannelId];
+    }
+    return ["", ""];
+}
+
+const { setLocalPan } = findByPropsLazy("setLocalPan", "setLocalVolume");
+// signature of setLocalPan (userId: string, left: number, right: number)
+
+// not 100% sure if i will ever need getLocalPan but it's useful to have the module here as it also holds some other misc voice state mutating functions
+const { getLocalPan } = findByPropsLazy("getLocalPan", "getLocalVolume");
+// signature of getLocalPan (userId: string) -> Pan
+
+// START shameless LLM use
+function hashString(str: string): number {
+    let hash = 0;
+    for (let i = 0; i < str.length; i++) {
+        hash = (hash * 31 + str.charCodeAt(i)) >>> 0; // keep it 32-bit unsigned
+    }
+    return hash;
+}
+
+function panFromString(str: string): Pan {
+    const hash = hashString(str);
+    const pan = (hash % 1000) / 1000; // 0.0 – 0.999
+
+    // Model A: attenuate the opposite side
+    return pan < 0.5
+        ? { left: 1.0, right: pan * 2 } // panned left
+        : { left: (1 - pan) * 2, right: 1.0 }; // panned right
+}
+// END shameless LLM use
+
+var hasToasted = false;
+
+function handleUserPan(userId: string): undefined {
+    const userPan = panFromString(userId);
+    setLocalPan(userId, userPan.left, userPan.right);
+
+    const currentMediaEngine = MediaEngineStore.getMediaEngine();
+    const canPan = currentMediaEngine.supports("VOICE_PANNING");
+    if (!canPan && !hasToasted) {
+        showNotification({
+            title: "DeterministicUserPanning",
+            body: "This media engine doesn't support panning! User voices will not pan.",
+        });
+        hasToasted = true;
+    }
+}
+
+export default definePlugin({
+    name: "DeterministicUserPanning",
+    description: "Pans users audio in voice chats to establish a simple soundstage",
+    authors: [Devs.regulad],
+    // TODO: patch to get panning working again
+    flux: {
+        VOICE_STATE_UPDATES({ voiceStates }: { voiceStates: VoiceStateChangeEvent[]; }) {
+            const myChanId = SelectedChannelStore.getVoiceChannelId();
+            const myId = UserStore.getCurrentUser().id;
+
+            for (const state of voiceStates) {
+                const { userId, channelId, oldChannelId } = state;
+                const isMe = userId === myId;
+                if (!isMe) {
+                    if (!myChanId) continue;
+                    if (channelId !== myChanId && oldChannelId !== myChanId) continue;
+                }
+
+                if (isMe && !!channelId) {
+                    // we left/joined a channel, we need to handle all users in our new channel
+                    const allStates = VoiceStateStore.getVoiceStatesForChannel(channelId);
+                    for (const oneState of Object.values(allStates)) {
+                        handleUserPan(oneState.userId);
+                    }
+                    continue;
+                }
+
+                const [type, id] = getTypeAndChannelId(state);
+                if (!type || type === "leave") continue;
+
+                handleUserPan(userId);
+            }
+        },
+    }
+});
diff --git a/src/utils/constants.ts b/src/utils/constants.ts
index c3b784716d..8472c5e8d6 100644
--- a/src/utils/constants.ts
+++ b/src/utils/constants.ts
@@ -629,6 +629,10 @@ export const Devs = /* #__PURE__*/ Object.freeze({
         name: "prism",
         id: 390884143749136386n,
     },
+    regulad: {
+        name: "regulad",
+        id: 440468612365680650n,
+    },
 } satisfies Record<string, Dev>);
 
 // iife so #__PURE__ works correctly