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First Blog Post, Config
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‎_config.yml‎

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@@ -6,40 +6,40 @@ theme: jekyll-theme-chirpy
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# The language of the webpage › http://www.lingoes.net/en/translator/langcode.htm
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# If it has the same name as one of the files in folder `_data/locales`, the layout language will also be changed,
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# otherwise, the layout language will use the default value of 'en'.
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lang: en
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lang: en-AU
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# Change to your timezone › https://kevinnovak.github.io/Time-Zone-Picker
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timezone:
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timezone: America/New_York
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# jekyll-seo-tag settings › https://github.com/jekyll/jekyll-seo-tag/blob/master/docs/usage.md
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# ↓ --------------------------
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title: Chirpy # the main title
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title: Kitography # the main title
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tagline: A text-focused Jekyll theme # it will display as the subtitle
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tagline: Writing of Kit Haines # it will display as the subtitle
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description: >- # used by seo meta and the atom feed
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A minimal, responsive and feature-rich Jekyll theme for technical writing.
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A personal website and blog written by Kit Haines.
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# Fill in the protocol & hostname for your site.
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# E.g. 'https://username.github.io', note that it does not end with a '/'.
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url: ""
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github:
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username: github_username # change to your GitHub username
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username: kitography # change to your GitHub username
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twitter:
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username: twitter_username # change to your Twitter username
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#twitter:
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# username: twitter_username # change to your Twitter username
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social:
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# Change to your full name.
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# It will be displayed as the default author of the posts and the copyright owner in the Footer
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name: your_full_name
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email: example@domain.com # change to your email address
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name: Kit Haines
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email: kitography@pm.me # change to your email address
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links:
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# The first element serves as the copyright owner's link
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- https://twitter.com/username # change to your Twitter homepage
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- https://github.com/username # change to your GitHub homepage
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# - https://twitter.com/username # change to your Twitter homepage
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- https://github.com/kitography # change to your GitHub homepage
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# Uncomment below to add more social links
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# - https://www.facebook.com/username
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# - https://www.linkedin.com/in/username

‎_posts/2025-09-14-Community-Habit.md‎

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---
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title: Habits that Build Community
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date: 2025-09-14 23:00 -0400
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categories: [COMMUNITY, IN_SICKNESS]
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tags: [dogs, sad, community, habits]
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toc: false
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---
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The first page on my blog was going to be about a policy order
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concerning dog parks in Cambridge. I will, in the future, write that
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post. Unfortunately last week, while organizing support around that
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policy order, I learned that a dog that often spent time in my local
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dog park had died.
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So this blog post is in memory of Odin. He was four years old, a
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bulky bernadoodle, and one of the sweetest gentle giants in the dog
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park. He's been tolerant of my puppy at all ages and sizes, and came
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in tail wagging, enthusiastically enough it was rare for another dog
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to make it through the gate without him entering.
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I did cry a little when I found out and I pet my own dog, and made
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myself tea. To some degree, I moved on with my day. There is nothing
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I can do for Odin, even though I will miss him. I don't know Odin's
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person well, but I realized I could say something, and it might mean
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something to Odin's person to say something.
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It's terrifying and difficult to figure out what to say to someone who
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has lost a dog. I know I was heartbroken when I lost my first dog,
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but I don't want to minimize their much more raw loss by an ill
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thought out comparison. I remember several people telling me that
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hearing nothing when they were grieving was much worse than stilted
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words though, so I spent a bit of time googling 'what to say when
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someone's dog dies', and then using none of those phrases to express
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my condolences, but a generic "I'm so sorry" was better than leaving
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the email not responded to at all.
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I still feel the perfectionism that ruled my life a few years ago. I
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know a few years ago, that I wouldn't have responded. It felt too
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awkward. It still feels awkward. I'm not close to Odin's person, and
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to some degree I don't "have to" respond. Still, I think it's better
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to receive awkward sympathies than none at all. Once I did decide to
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respond, to do something awkward and imperfect, making a card for
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Odin's friend's people to sign was straight-forwarded.
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Most of the people who bring dogs to the dog park are older than me.
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I don't know how much older, but I believed that my struggle to
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perform perfunctory social niceties like signing a card or sending
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condolences was characteristic of me being a millenial (or younger),
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rather than a more universal experience. I was surprised that at
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least in the Danehy dog park, sending condolences for Odin wasn't
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perfunctory. The words written on the card might have been generic,
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but the feelings were real. I could see the sadness, and it took many
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people a long time to figure out what to write.
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The card made for Odin (for Odin's person), felt more real than almost
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any card I've been a part of for some time. It weighs on me how many
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cards I've been asked to participate in, often electronically, that
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run on Chronos time - thank you for working here another year or happy
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birthday. I'm duty-bound to fill those in (possibly even paid to
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figure out something to say for a kudoboard at work), but it is
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mechanical or perfunctory. The cards I care about, or feel moved to
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make operate on Kairos time - I'm so sorry for your loss, or
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congratulations on your infant, or we are all rooting for your
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recovery. It feels good to respond to and acknowledge an event - even
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at work, it feels great to say 'thank you so much for your help' in an
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email to someon cc:ing their boss. It doesn't feel much of anything
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to figure out what to say on a kudoboard months later because the
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employee passed their two year work-anniversary (and I'm obliged to
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recognize this pseudo-event).
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I can't imagine that there have been any studies on what being obliged
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to perform perfunctory etiquette does to emotions. I do know that
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something has happened culturally. I know several people younger than
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me who consider cards 'cheesy'. We live in a world now that talking
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about emotions, and providing community care for those emotions will
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be seen by some people as fake and performative. I can't do anything
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about that perception, but I can talk about emotions and community
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care anyway. If someone reads this blog and decides I'm a bad person
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because I feel proud of being nice, I won't change thier mind, but I
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can laugh and wonder about them: would they have the same reaction if
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this was about winning a chess tournament? Do they value the ability
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to play chess more than kindness? Why?
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I bought this domain almost ten years ago. It's taken me a long time
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to be okay with my words being judged in public. I was waiting to be
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able to say the perfect words, only to realize by growing up that
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there are no perfect words, just relationships. A speech by someone I
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hate could be the best rhetoric in the world, but it wouldn't matter
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if I hated the speaker. An awkward stuttering speech by someone I
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love would move me more.
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Dogs move me to care without saying a single word. Odin wouldn't have
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known what words I said at all, but he knew the emotions. He could
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tell what humans were in the mood to pet him. There's a lot to admire
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there: like most dogs, Odin lived entirely in the present and acted on
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every emotion with a tail wag, a playful bow, or a gentle bump of the
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head. Dogs don't fail to act because of shame or some fear of how it
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will be perceived. I think the human world would be better if we were
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all a bit more like Odin, a bit more gentle and a bit more loving.
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If I could send one message to my younger self it would be to be less
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perfect, and do something. When moved to - send that card (on awkward
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craft paper, with bad line drawings) - post that blog post - show
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caring where you can. I can't recommend sharing gratitude and
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condolences enough - the real thing. It builds relationships and
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community, and helps cure loneliness almost as much as having a dog.
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Rest in peace, Odin.

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